The Value of a Friend

Welcome to our women's Bible study on 2 Samuel called the reigning king and today we're going to cover chapters 19 and 20 Last week at the end of our lesson we left King David Grieving deeply over the loss of his son. He was really Really grieving and I don't think there's probably many of us in this room that don't know those feelings some sort of a deep Despondency deep emotional response whether it's the death of someone or some other situation in life But David I'm sure Was processing so many questions in his life What could I have done differently in Absalom's? Upbringing that would have changed this outcome. What should I have done differently after the rape of his sister Tamar? That was the spark that set this off What should I have done differently after he murdered his half-brother Amnon What should I have done differently about him going to get sure should I let him go to get sure Should I have let him stay in gesture? Should I have even listened to Joab to bring him back to Jerusalem? Once he came back to Jerusalem, should I have worked harder on reconciliation or should I have sentenced him for his crimes? When we get in these funks we ask all these questions, don't we any Parent any father would have asked these sorts of questions, but see the deal here is that David wasn't just any father He was the king and he had a kingdom to run he really didn't have the luxury in this moment of falling into an abyss of introspection and Right. There is where a friend can come in handy. So I've titled this lesson the value of a friend Probably the last lesson could have been called that as well because David has benefited from many friends already on his flight out of Jerusalem there was Hushai who willingly stayed back in Jerusalem to be a spy There were the priests Zadok and Abiathar who stayed and helped David and their sons as well Many others and now he's about to benefit from another friend during his grief in Jerusalem and it's that one guy who keeps jumping back and forth From the good bucket to the bad bucket that one guy that we can't figure out We're not sure if we should admire him or give him time out Chapter 19 begins it was told Joab Behold the king is weeping and mourning for Absalom so the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the people for the people heard the king is grieving for his son and The people stole into the city that day as people steal in who are ashamed when they flee in battle The king covered his face and the king cried in a loud voice. Oh my son Absalom Oh Absalom my son my son and then Joab came into the house of the king and with his flair for direct communication he said You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants who have this day saved your life the lives of your sons And your daughters and the lives of your wives and your concubines Because you love those who hate you and you hate those who love you For you have made it clear today that commanders and servants are nothing to you for today I know that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead then you would be pleased and He was not wrong. That was exactly how David was Acting and besides a prophet Joab was probably the only person in the kingdom who could speak to David that way He not only told him the truth But he gave him a way forward verse 7 Joab says now therefore arise Go out and speak kindly to your servants for I swear by the Lord if you do not go Not a man will stay with you this night and this will be worse for you than all the evil that has come upon you from your youth until now and then the king arose and took his seat in the gate and the people were told behold the king is sitting in the gate and all the people came before the king All right. Let's look at this a little bit I don't want to shame anyone for their personality because our personalities and our tendencies are often God given But some people feel things very deeply David was a man who felt things very Deeply that was a benefit because he wrote all these psalms that we enjoy today when we need to feel something deeply when we need To understand something with our emotions. That is how God created him. But this narrative is about leaders and leaders need to find a way out of their emotions and Do what needs to be done? Throughout all of the Samuel narratives We have defined a leader for the purpose of our women's Bible study as a mother leading her children a teacher or a coach With their students or an older woman in general Leaders need to find a way out and at this moment David needed Joab and Joab was right The people needed David and they needed their kingdom or their kingdom would have just unraveled So what about us as leaders ourselves? We don't have the luxury of falling into despondency of Sitting long with our feelings because there are other people that we need to consider just like Joab said to David What about everybody else? Now here's the deal We do need to sit with our emotions We do come to situations where we do need to grieve We do need to sit with our emotions But the key is what are we going to do then if we are responsible for other people? What are we going to do? Well, we need to seek God's counsel in those times on how we can grieve How we can sit with our emotions process our emotions without Damaging those around us Someone sent us a card Paul and I card this last week and it had a little this card in it That was Isaiah 58 11 which in prior times in my life has been a real go-to verse for me

that has often been a real go-to verse for me when I face perplexing situations What do I do here? And when we face emotional situations where we can't damage we have to protect the people around us Then we go to the Lord

and we say Lord show me my path out of this Perhaps Joab was the path out for David But in the meantime the people of Israel who had followed Absalom Well, they'd all gone home and they were confused. Honestly, I think they had kind of liked David, you know They said in these I'm summarizing, you know that he had delivered them from all their enemies specifically the Philistines But on the other hand, he did flee out of Jerusalem. Like that's not a good leader to flee But on the other hand Absalom is dead. I Guess I guess we like David after all and they decided that David should be brought back bring the king back. They said and you know David's wondering the same thing Why don't I go back? but David was a master strategist and he knew that he couldn't just march back without support and He knew the best way to get support was to get the military on his side and to get the priesthood on his side So we pick it up in verse 11 David sent this message to Zadok and Abiathar the priests and he said say to the elders of Judah Why should you be the last to bring the king back to his house when the Word of all Israel has come to the king? You are my brothers. You are my bone and my flesh Why then should you be the last to bring back the king and say to Amasa? Are you not my bone and my flesh? God do so to me and more also if you are not commander of my army now in the place of Joab, okay so Amasa was David's nephew son of Abigail Joab was David's nephew son of Zeruiah their cousins and In this moment Joab is out Amasa is in why in the world? Well, the text doesn't tell us but there's a couple things we can kind of surmise first of all the best way to get the support of everyone who had followed Absalom was to reel in his commander and perhaps if he had Amasa everyone would say oh, well, it's really the same We'll give you our support Maybe David was suspicious that Joab actually had something to do with the death of Absalom We don't know But what we can figure out for sure is that Joab was not going to take this well being replaced by his cousin But it worked for David verse 14 He swayed the heart of all the men of Judah as one man so that they sent word to the king return both you and all your servants So the king came back to the Jordan and Judah came to Gilgal to meet the king and to bring the king over the Jordan and so if we are ever in a situation where we need to merge two different groups of people some of these strategies are worth Looking at and analyzing waiting and getting some support. It was a good strategy. But now on the way back to Jerusalem The writer gives us the rest of the story, meeting some of the same people that David had met on his way out when he was fleeing. And it starts in verse 16. Shimei, the son of Gera, the Benjaminite, from Baharim, hurried to come down with the men of Judah to meet King David. And with him were a thousand men from Benjamin. Remember, Shimei was the guy who was cursing, we use the word criticizing David on the way out. Get out, get out, you man of blood, okay? And now he's hurrying to David. We can figure out why. And also Ziba, the servant of the house of Saul, with his, every time we had Ziba, don't you love the comedy? With his 15 sons and his 20 servants rushed down to the Jordan before the king. And they crossed the ford to bring over the king's household and to do his pleasure. In other words, they were rushing to be helpful now that it was clear that David was coming back into power. So Shimei fell down before the king and he said, oh, let not my lord hold me guilty, or even remember how your servant did wrong on the day my lord the king left Jerusalem. Do not let the king take it to heart. Don't you love how everybody's always telling somebody don't take it to heart in these? For your servant knows that I have sinned. That may have been genuine or a half-baked apology. Therefore, behold, I have come this day, the first of all the house of Joseph, to come down to meet my lord the king. And Abishai feels the same way about him as he felt about him last time. It's like, off with his head. Like, we don't need this guy. And he says, shall not Shimei be put to death for this? Because he cursed the lord's anointed. But David said, what have I to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah, that you should this day be as an adversary to me? Shall anyone be put to death in Israel this day? For do I not know that I am this day king over Israel? Like, I won. I beat the game. We don't have to put people to death anymore. It's all good. So the king said to Shimei, you shall not die. And the king gave him his oath. Now, this was a very gracious response on David's part, don't you think? That was a brutal cursing that he had received from Shimei. And it wasn't what I consider a true, repentant, humble apology. It was kind of like, I hope you don't remember that a little bit. And so we ask ourselves, do I have what it takes to recover in this level of graciousness from criticism? Well then, in verse 24, we have Mephibosheth, the son of Saul, he came down to meet the king. Remember, David now had already ran into Ziba. And I think that this section is a little out of chronology. I feel like this is in Jerusalem. We're gonna go back again to the Jordan. But it says that Mephibosheth had neither taken care of his feet, nor trimmed his beard, nor washed his clothes from the day the king departed until the day he came back in safety. And when he came back to Jerusalem to meet the king, the king said to him, why did you not go with me, Mephibosheth? And he answered, my lord, O king, my servant deceived me. For your servant said to him, I will saddle my donkey myself, that I may ride on it and go with the king. For your servant is lame. He has slandered your servant to my lord the king. But my lord the king is like the angel of God. Do therefore whatever seems good to you. For all my father's house were but men doomed to death before my lord the king. But you set your servant among those who eat at your table. What further right have I then to cry to the king? And the king said to him, speak, why speak any more of your affairs? I've decided you and Ziba shall divide the land. And Mephibosheth said to the king, oh, let him take it all since my lord the king has come home safely. So we got this conflicting reports here between Ziba and Mephibosheth. And we remember last time that Ziba came to David with this generous gift. We wondered if that was to color his opinion of the truth. But now we have Mephibosheth with all of his ring-kissing words. I mean, he's kind of going overboard, don't you think? And so David is like, I don't know, and it's not worth figuring it out. Heads or tails, divide the stuff. I'm moving on, which is sometimes a very good strategy. Sometimes it's the best thing that we can do. Paul always says, don't major on the minors. There is really no benefit in figuring this all out. So just move on. So now we're going back in time, back to the Jordan, I think, on verse 31. Now Barzillai, the Gileadite, had come down from Rogallam, and he went on with the king to the Jordan to escort him over the Jordan. Barzillai was a very aged man, 80 years old. He had provided the king with food while he stayed at Mahanaim, for he was a very wealthy man. And the king said to Barzillai, come over with me. I'll provide for you in Jerusalem. And to summarize, Barzillai goes, I'm old. I'm not gonna make a change in life. I'm gonna stay right here. But I do have this guy, my servant Chimham. Would you take him? And we don't know whether Chimham was gonna be a benefit to David or whether David was gonna be a benefit to Chimham. But either way, he went along. And verse 39, then all the people went over the Jordan and the king went over, and the king kissed Barzillai and blessed him, and he returned to his own home. And the king went on to Gilgal, and Chimham went on with him. All the people of Judah and also half the people of Israel brought the king on his way. And there are three more verses in this chapter, but I think they need a preface for us to really see what it is that they're saying. So I wanna share a little bit of a story that I think any mother can relate to. And my story is of a family who goes on a long trip, maybe, say, to see grandparents or something. And you're in the car for 10 or 12 hours. And mom and dad are really with it. They stop at a hotel that has a nice swimming pool because the kids have been stuck in the car. And so everybody gets their swimsuits on. And of course, the kids are out the door like a shot, running down to the elevator. And when they get there, one of them pushes the button. And someone says, I wanted to push the button. And someone else says, but I got here first. But you have to say it's a race or it doesn't count to get there first. But you got to push the button yesterday. And mom and dad follow up to the elevator door. It opens, everyone gets in. And what's inside? More buttons to be pushed. And someone pushes a button. And it starts all over again. You pushed it on the outside. I get to push it on the inside. No, whoever pushes it on the outside is the same one that gets to push it on the inside. This is how children make rules on the fly. They're very good at making rules on the fly. And mom and dad are standing there like, kids, focus, focus, swimming, the pool. The pool is what's important here. The buttons are not important. You all get to go swimming. That's what's happening in these next three verses. Now with that in mind, let's read verse 41. Then the men of Israel came to the king and they said, well, why have our brothers, the men of Judah, stolen you away and brought you and your household over the Jordan? 42, the men of Judah answered, well, because the king is our close relative. Why are you angry over this matter? 43, and the men of Israel answered, well, we have 10 shares in the king. We have more than you. Were we not the first to speak up of bringing the king back? That's what's going on. They're just bickering. Look, focus, everybody gets the king here. It doesn't matter who thought of it, who did what first, but this is human nature, is it not? It starts with children and sometimes it just escalates into adulthood, into systems. And you know, as leaders, sometimes you gotta get a reign on bickering before it turns into a civil war. And as we move, there can be consequences. As we move to chapter 20, we find out, now there happened to be a worthless man whose name was Sheba, the son of Bikri. Of course he was the son of Bikri, a Benjaminite, and he blew the trumpet and he said, we have no portion in David, and we have no inheritance in the son of Jesse. Every man to his tents, oh Israel. So all the men of Israel withdrew from David and followed Sheba, the son of Bikri, but the men of Judah followed their king steadfastly from the Jordan to Jerusalem. And now we have David coming into Jerusalem, and I do believe the writer wants us to see a distinct contrast between what Absalom did when he first came into Jerusalem, and what David is doing as he first returns to Jerusalem. Remember when Absalom came into Jerusalem and he asked Ahithophel, what does a king do now? And Ahithophel says, go into all your father's concubines. And so that was what Absalom did, and now look what David does. He shows complete compassion and sort of trying his hardest to undo what had happened, verse three. David came to his house at Jerusalem, and the king took the 10 concubines whom he had left to care for the house, and he put them in a house under guard and provided for them, but he did not go into them. So they were shut up until the day of their death, living as if in widowhood. This was a. lose situation, there was no way to repair this well. But what I do see is that David's first thing is to try to show some kind of tenderness, some sort of compassion. Even in the light of a big military problem that has been shaping up, which we go back to now in verse four, the king said to Amasa, call the men of Judah together to be with me within three days and be here yourself. That was pretty clear. I assume it's doable. So Amasa went to summon Judah, but he delayed beyond the time set which had been appointed him. Now, we don't know. It's not told us why he delayed, why he couldn't be there, or why he wouldn't be there. But when David gave an order to a commander, he expected it to be done. And if it wasn't done, he was going to reach out to somebody else to get it done. Verse six, and David said to Abishai, now Sheba, the son of Bichri, will do us more harm than Absalom. Take your lord's servants and pursue him, lest he get himself to fortified cities and escape from us. And there went out after him Joab's men with the Karathites and Pelathites and all the mighty men to pursue Sheba, the son of Bichri. And when they were at the great stone that is in Gibeon, Amasa ended up coming to meet them. Now, Joab was wearing a soldier's garment, and over it was a belt with a sword in its sheath, fastened on his thigh. And as he went forward, it fell out. And Joab said to Amasa, is it well with you, my brother? Have you been feeling OK? Like, have you had bathroom issues or something? Because you didn't. You delayed. Is it well with you? All the while, while he takes his beard with his right hand to kiss him, but Amasa did not observe the sword that was in Joab's hand. So Joab struck him with it in the stomach, spilled the entrails to the ground without striking a second blow, and he died. And then Joab and Abishai, his brother, pursued Sheba. Now, Amasa had fumbled. That's clear. We don't know if it was purposeful. We don't know if he just was a bad commander. But he probably didn't deserve this. It was harsh. But Joab has jumped into the other bucket again. He is a loyal guy. That's for sure. Now, in the next part, it's interesting, because often in these times, in ancient times, as the Bible gives us the narrative, women are often marginalized. But here, we have a hero, a heroine, heroine, heroine. How do you say that? Anyway, she was a hero. Verse 16, a wise woman called from the city. Listen, tell Joab, come here that I may speak to you. And Joab came. Verse 18, she said, they used to say in former times, let them but ask counsel at Abel. And so they settled a matter. In other words, this town has been known for justice. I am one of those who are peaceable and faithful in Israel. But you are seeking to destroy a city that is a mother in Israel. Why will you swallow up the heritage of the Lord? And Joab answered her, well, far be it for me that I would swallow up or destroy. But Sheba, the son of Bichri, has lifted up his hand against King David. Give him up alone, and I will withdraw from the city. And the woman said to Joab, behold, his head shall be thrown to you over the wall. And then the woman went to all the people in her wisdom, and they cut off the head of Sheba, the son of Bichri, threw it out to Joab. So he blew the trumpet, and they dispersed from the city every man to his home. And Joab returned to Jerusalem with the king. And then we have just a few final verses about David's cabinet, basically, that you have read. But I want to summarize these couple of chapters because in all of 2 Samuel, the writer has been creating in us a yearning to move along in God's unfolding story of redemption. And we have sort of been training our eyes on the descendant of David, the next king, Solomon, but yet he's been absent from these chapters. We've heard nothing of him. In fact, these chapters from David and Bathsheba all the way up to where we are here are only given to us in 2 Samuel. They're not given to us in 1 Chronicles. 1 Chronicles skips over this. So these chapters have done very little to move us forward in God's plan, but they've done a lot to teach us some important skills and to observe human nature. So I want to just wrap up with four points as a reminder of what we learn from this. And the first thing that we learn is that the Bible doesn't sugarcoat history. The writers gave us the good and the bad, the happy, the sad, the noble, the sins, and we learn a lot about human nature. And we learn that people 2,000 years ago, 3,000 years ago, 4,000 years ago weren't very different than we are today. So when we see things going on, we can process and we can bring it in. Second thing, we learn that we need to discern which conflicts deserve our attention, especially as a mom, which conflicts deserve our attention. Some conflicts can just be cut in half and you move on, and that's what David did with Ziba and Mephibosheth. He did not fixate on that conflict. He just made a decision and he moved on, and sometimes that is the best answer. But some conflicts need to be handled and they need to be shut down, like the bickering that we saw that escalated into civil war. Some conflicts require our attention. So how do we know which is which? Well, again, we need discernment.

Lord, is this something, am I majoring on the minors here to give my attention to this? Or do I need to just move on and just let it be? But some things do need our attention. The third thing we learn from this lesson is that we can extend grace to those who don't deserve it, like David did to Shimei. When people criticize us, David did not fall into a puddle and neither did he take those darts of criticism and throw them back. We don't have to throw them back. We can draw from the same well as David did when someone comes back to us and apologizes for their harsh words, apologizes for their criticism, even if their apology is like, yeah, I hope you don't ever remember again that I said that, you know. Even if we don't believe their apology to be fully sincere, even if they're not asking forgiveness of us, we can still draw from the same well. We can be gracious and we can respond this way. Not cut off heads, not have to prove that we're right, just accept their attempt at reconciliation. And then last thing is where we started with this lesson. The Joabs in life can be useful people to us. Even though we're not sure what to do with Joab, even though we suspect that he has his own personal motives behind this, there are some people in our life that have the ability to speak directly to us, to lift us out of depression, to lift us out of sitting too long with our emotions, to point out to us, mom, you gotta get up, you got these kids. I remember one time I was in a room, a woman in my life was giving birth, and you know, you've probably all said the same words, you're in the middle of childbirth, you're at the hardest point, and what words come out? I can't do this. Not with that inflection. It's a completely different inflection of how you say it. You don't say, I can't do this. It's different. But I remember the nurse being a Joab, and I remember the nurse looking her in the eyes and saying, no, you can and you will, we're doing this right now. You're gonna do this. That was always, made such an impression on me because sometimes when we feel like we're just swimming in whatever sea of emotion we have, sometimes we need a Joab that says, you're gonna get through this. I'll walk with you through it, but we gotta get up and get going here, or we're gonna lose, everything's gonna unravel around us. We might not like those kind of people very well because they don't always wrap every sentence in a flower for us. Sometimes they just speak it. Maybe you're a Joab. Maybe you lean a little bit that way, and

in when and how to speak those words, but we need those people in our life, and we should not cast them aside. Lord, thank you for these lessons. There's some really, really good lessons that we learned from this, Lord, we desire to be people who follow Jesus, people who follow your ways, Lord, and I pray that even through a lesson like this that you would refine us, that you would help us to continue to strive for discernment, to continue to strive to lean on you, knowing, and even say in our minds,

, and reach out to you for the discernment on things that are perplexing in our lives. Thank you for these chapters, Lord, we pray in Jesus' name, amen.