Responding to life’s problems

--- Welcome to our week 10 of our Bible study on first Samuel called the coming King today We're gonna cover chapters 24 25 David has been on this pilgrim of pilgrimage of problems He is the coming King and last week. We followed him through five different. Excuse me seven different stops of all of his Problems and having problems is something that we can relate to we all have problems My dad used to talk about the two Unavoidable problems in life death and taxes, right? But these are different sorts of problems that we're talking about in these Chapters as we watch David move from one problem to the next and as we think about our own problems There's a reality that comes to us and that is that we can't always control what happens to us in life But we can control how we respond to it I Thought of a good definition of self-control based on this lesson. I want to show it to you Here's my current definition of self-control. It is composure in responding to life's problems composure in responding to life's problems so in this chapter We're going to view an entire spectrum of emotions between Saul and David and Abigail and Nabal We're gonna look at frustration grief anger revenge respect submission mercy restraint so many choices For us and emotions. Okay, where did we leave off last week? Saul was after David He was almost upon him and a messenger came and said the Philistines are attacking and Saul went away To help with that problem So we begin in chapter 24 verse 1 when Saul returned from following the Philistines he was told Behold David is in the wilderness of and Getty now this place in the wilderness Provided a fantastic hiding place because and Getty was a place where there was plentiful water It was an oasis in the wilderness plentiful water limestone caves Great place for hide-and-seek so verse 2 Saul took 3,000 chosen men went to seek David and in verse 3 he came to the sheepfolds where there was a cave and Saul went in to relieve himself and now David and his men were sitting in the innermost parts of the cave and I always think as we have said that this was written to be Narrated or told the story was written to be told and this is the part that all the middle school Jewish boys Loved to get to because they love all things bathroom related And so they were just waiting to hear this part verse for the men of David said to him Here's the day of which the Lord said to you Behold, I will give your enemy into your hand and you shall do to him as it shall seem good to you So David's friends advised him using the voice of opportunity here The shortcut to the throne and they were not good advisors and in our lives Sometimes our closest friends can be the most lousy advisors that we have because they get tired of our problems just as much as we're tired of our problems and The clouds part for a moment and they can see something as an opportunity when it's really a temptation and So we need to remember like don't act Solely upon the advice of your closest friends but David in the middle of verse 4 he arose and stealthily cut off a corner of Saul's robe and Afterward David's heart struck him because he had cut off the corner of Saul's robe And he said to his men the Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my Lord The Lord's anointed to put out my hand against him seeing he is the Lord's anointed So all David did was cut off the corner of his robe and he's just conscience stricken But let's talk a little bit about that symbolism. Do you remember way back when? Jonathan first met up with David He took off his robe and offered it to him symbolically like this doesn't this won't belong to me This will belong to you and David knew that what he had actually done was Symbolically cut into Saul's reign. He didn't really cut into Saul's reign But it was his way of saying I want to do it And I think that David being such really a sensitive heart Had a grip on what Jesus told us in the Sermon on the Mount, you know when he used an example He says if a man even looks lustfully at a woman he has committed adultery in his heart I think David had that same concept here like I don't didn't want to but I wanted to and so look what I did and so he was again conscience stricken and what we need to consider here for us is this business of An opportunity that drops into my lap like it did for David. How can we tell the difference between? Opportunities and temptations, you know, a lot of people look at mere circumstances and They say well the Lord opened a door or the Lord closed a door as if Circumstances were the only way we have to know what God wants us to do in a certain moment And so someone will say well, I wasn't gonna say anything to her But there I was at Walmart and she randomly showed up so the Lord opened a door for me to tell her how Disappointed I was because she didn't invite me to her party and how crushed I was and she left crying But the Lord opened a door, you know And I think God gets blamed for opening and closing lots of doors that he has never even touched So it's not circumstances. We need to discern The difference and not just look at something that happens to us always as an opportunity We need to take it to the Lord seek the wisdom and direction of the Holy Spirit, but back to David in his case Saul was still the Lord's anointed So that made his decision right there. Okay, it was not an opportunity for insurrection or murder Because he was the Lord's anointed all this was was a bathroom break That's all that it was so David got over his guilt and then he wanted to show Saul the proper respect verse 8 David arose and went out of the cave and he called after Saul my lord the king and when David looked behind him David Bowed with his face to the earth and paid homage and he said why do you listen to the words of men who say behold? David seeks you harm He wanted to know he was listening Saul was listening to lies and then he said look I could have killed you in the cave I have the corner of your robe to prove it and he was so Insistent that he brought the Lord into this the Lord God Jehovah verse 12 May the Lord Jehovah judge between me and you may Jehovah avenge me against you But my hand shall not be against you and down to verse 16 as soon as David had finished speaking Saul said is this your voice my son David and Saul wept All right Now David's words seemed to have softened Saul here in this moment. His response was much gentler But I think David was wise enough to understand the cycle that goes on in someone who is emotionally or mentally Disordered like Saul was and often a cycle goes something like this. We call them narcissists today but they sort of acquire a sense of superiority and Entitlement and then the next step is they place demands on people around them sometimes extreme Demands we saw this last week. It came from Saul's paranoia He goes, why do you all conspire against me? And then this gives way to cruelty We saw this last week Saul had 85 priests of Eli killed in the whole town of Nob and Then sometimes the final step in the cycle is this great dramatic remorse and apology and Whether it's intentional or not The apology sometimes convinces the victim in this case David to soften to drop their guard To hope that things have changed and hope that we can get back to normal Some of you have lived in this cycle Experienced this cycle. Some of you have walked with a friend or a daughter or a niece Who has lived in this cycle and it's very very difficult for everyone It is very difficult for this person Saul in this case to change not impossible but Without the help of the Holy Spirit renewing our minds it is very very difficult. So here's where we're at verse 17 Saul goes on to say you are more righteous than I here's the Dramatic apology part for you have repaid me good where I as I have repaid you evil and you have declared this day How you have dealt well with me in that you did not kill me when the Lord put me into your hands For if a man finds his enemy, will he let him go safe? So may the Lord reward you for good what you have done to me this day." And now here comes the, let's get back to normal part. "'I know that you surely will be the king and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hands. Swear to me that you will not cut off my offspring and that you will not destroy my name out of my father's house.' And David swore this to Saul. And then Saul went home, but David and his men went up to the stronghold.'" And I just identified two simple lessons that we can learn, that we can learn from this chapter. The first one, I'll put it on the screen, is behaving properly when we are mistreated. We also can be mistreated and treated unjustly. We need to prepare ourselves to respond with respect and with mercy. This doesn't come naturally to us. What comes naturally to us is to respond with revenge. We want them to suffer a little bit or a lot of it because they've made us suffer. That's what comes naturally. But Jesus didn't say, do unto others as they have done unto you. What did he say? He says, do unto others as you would have them to do unto you. This is our model. We all want mercy. We all want forgiveness. We all want respect. So the second thing that we learn from this chapter, I called discerning properly when we are mistreated. So behaving properly and discerning properly. I want to draw attention to the last phrase. It said, then Saul went home, but David and his men went up to the stronghold. There is a difference between showing mercy, showing respect, not taking vengeance, and allowing the person back into your life to have full access over your life again. Nothing had changed with Saul. His words softened, but he was the same Saul and David knew it. David knew he couldn't go back into his place and play the harp for him again. The spears would start flying again. So discerning properly. And there may be times in your life or your loved one's when this principle comes into play, showing respect, showing mercy, showing forgiveness, but returning to the stronghold. All right, we start chapter 25. It says, now Samuel died and all Israel assembled and mourned for him and they buried him in his house at Ramah. Now you studied the whole chapter and we're left to wonder, why did the writer give us one verse about Samuel dying and this is a big event and his memorial service followed by 41 verses about David and a farmer that seems a little bit irrelevant. But I want to tie them together and see what we learn from David's response to that farmer. First, let's talk about Saul. Just a handful of words, but I want us to imagine this event. Now we were here, Samuel showed up on the scene right here in this Bible study. Okay. Hannah, Samuel, we have watched his entire life. Samuel was a giant in his day. He was the Billy Graham of his day. Israel loved him and now they have lost their spiritual giant. They have a military leader now, but he's not a spiritual leader. And so this was really a deep event in the life of Israel. What I want to know is, did David go? Was David able to go and grieve with all of Israel? Well, his brothers had already come into hiding with him. He'd already sent his mom and dad to Moab. I don't think he's out in the open. So here is this opportunity for Israel to show respect and mourn for Samuel and David is removed from it. I wonder how much that bugged him. You know, we just went through a pandemic where things were, we weren't able to move about as we were accustomed to. It affected us emotionally in a lot of ways. We missed things too. We weren't able to go to weddings and funerals and graduations and trips and reunions. And some people got frayed emotions and they may have lost their composure during that time. So in the remainder of this chapter, we're going to watch David give way to some of the harmful emotions that we attributed to Saul developing some emotional challenges over. I'm not excusing David. Well, he was grieving, so it's okay. You know, we don't excuse ourselves in that, but it's interesting that the writer gave us this one sentence to tell us what was going on so that we might connect the dots a little bit to how he might have been feeling. So chapter 25, it goes on to say, then David rose and went down to the wilderness of Paran. And there was a man at Maon whose business was in Carmel. The man was very rich. He had 3,000 sheep, 1,000 goats. He was shearing his sheep in Carmel. And now the name of the man was Nabal and the name of his wife, Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh and badly behaved. He was a Calebite. And so we'd like to say that opposites attract, and this is extreme. There's a salt and pepper, night and day, sweet and sour, right? I don't think Nabal was his given name. Like I have lots and lots of friends who had given birth to children and not a one of them has named them fool coming out the shoot. So I think he developed this reputation and developed this nickname along the way. And then he was a grouch, harsh, bad manners, intimidated everyone. And then here's Abigail. She's gorgeous. She's smart. She's wise. She's approachable. What a contrast. So it's emphasized two times that this business was in Carmel. Now let's remember back in chapter 15, I think it is, this is where Saul on his way back from failing to obey the Lord and not wiping out the Amalekites builds a monument to himself at Carmel. So we can kind of guess that this is Saul turf, you know? And so that might give us a little bit of insight. Verse four, David heard in the wilderness that Nabal was shearing his sheep. So David sent 10 young men and David said, go up to Carmel, go to Nabal, greet him in my name like this. Peace be to you. Peace be to your house and peace be to all that you have. I hear that you have shearers and now your shepherds have been with us and we did them no harm and they missed nothing all the time they were in Carmel. Ask your young men and they will tell you. Therefore, let my young men find favor in your eyes for we come on a feast day. Please give whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son, David. Now we've been educated right along about this business of the Philistines coming and raiding all the time. David's men are there helping watch over these sheep. Nothing was missing. They provided a great service, a great protection. In the Middle East, in the Near East, hospitality was always held in very high regard. If someone asked you for something, you gave it. Even if they didn't ask, you gave. How much more if they had done something for you? This was shearing time. This means feasting time. This means food and drink are in abundance. It might be like our Thanksgiving day. So think about a foot of snow outside and some young men come unasked and they shovel all of your snow and they knock on the door and they say, do you happen to have an extra pumpkin pie? Well, you've got enough pumpkin pie to feed the town, of course. And so you know it's like, thank you so much. That was great. You want a drumstick? You want, what do you want? You know we've got all the food right now. And so it was a reasonable request. So look at Nabal's response in verse 10. Who is David and who is the son of Jesse? Well, everyone knew who David was. This wasn't a question saying, who is David? This is like, you know, the other, he was clearly siding with Saul immediately. There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters. Shall I take my bread and my water and my meat that I've killed for my shears and give it to men who come from I don't know where? And so David's men brought this response back to him. And in verse 13, this sensitive David, man after God's own heart, who was just conscience stricken a minute ago over what he had done on the bathroom break. He says to his men, every man strap on his sword and with testosterone in abundance, every man of them strapped on his sword. And David also strapped on his sword and about 400 men went up after David while 200 remained with the baggage. And David was set to take revenge on Nabal for refusing to tip his crew for what they had done. Is this the same David? What has happened to him? Is this a man after God's own heart? Like, this is a little bit shocking. It is true. There was no contract. at a time, but David's response to Nabal is completely out of agreement with the offense. This is what we call overreacting. Overreacting is the opposite of composure. And so, to make a personal application here, I bet there have been days when you have been able to graciously overlook offenses that came your way. Maybe you didn't notice, or maybe you were feeling particularly magnanimous, or maybe all of your emotions were in check that day, and you could handle this one thing. And then I bet that there have been days that you completely overreacted to something that came your way. So, you can relate to this. You know, Paul and I decided that we wanted to watch Little Women again, not the new one. Not the original, either. That middle one. It was in the 90s or something. Early 2000s. But, you know, so classic. But there's this scene where Joe and Meg are going to go to the opera, and Amy wants to go so badly. And she's just begging Joe and begging Joe, please, can I go? Can I go? And Joe goes, no, you're too young. All these excuses. And Amy just takes that offense, and she goes, Joe March, you will pay for this. And while they're at the opera, she burns her manuscript. And so Joe comes back. She's looking for the manuscript. She finds out her little sister has burned it in the fire. Both of them overreacted. Now it was a great loss. And Marmy, that's what they called the mother, you know, Marmy. She goes, Joe, this is a great loss. But I love how she huddles around her in the movie at the end, and she goes, but Joe, you must not let the sun go down on your anger. I thought it was really sweet, but it eventually then took an accident, the Amy breaking through the ice to repair the relationship. But anyway, I thought that was just like, oh, overreacting. This is what we're talking about in our Bible study. All right. One problem with overreacting is that we tend to keep overreacting. It's like muscle memory. We want to continue with the response that is most familiar to us. So let's keep going. Verse 14, one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife, behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to greet our master, and he railed at them. Yet the men were very good to us, and we suffered no harm. And we did not miss anything when we were in the fields, as long as we went with them. They were a wall to us, both night and day. All the while we were with them, keeping the sheep. Now, therefore, know this and consider what you should do, for harm is determined against our master and against all in his house. And he is such a worthless man that no one can speak to him. So Abigail flies into action, verse 18. She took 200 loaves. Do you see how wealthy they are? You see how big of a Thanksgiving day this was? And two skins of wine and five sheep already prepared, five seas of parched grain, a hundred clusters of raisin, 200 cakes of figs, laid them on donkeys. And she said to her young men, go before me. But she did not tell her husband, Nabal. And as she rode on the donkey and came down under the cover of the mountain, behold, David and his men came down toward her, and she met them. And now this is fascinating. We find David rehearsing his grudge to make sure that it is the most important thing in his thoughts. Do you ever have to do that? Like you keep telling yourself why you're so mad about something, because you might forget if you don't keep rehearsing it over and over again. And he said this. And so you have to keep, look what he does. Verse 21, David saying, surely in vain I have guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him. And he has returned me evil for good. God do so to the enemies of David and more also if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him. So he was not only rehearsing the offense, but he was rehearsing his revenge over the offense. So just a little life tip for us. If we have to keep rehearsing something, maybe it's not worth overreacting to, maybe we just need to let it go. Verse 23, when Abigail saw David, she hurried and got down from the donkey and fell before David on her face and bowed to the ground. And she used many words, but I'm going to summarize here what it was, what their exchange was like. She approached David with humility, with respect, with loyalty. She named herself as his maid servant five times and she called him my Lord 13 times. So this is the foundation of their conversation. She admitted that her husband was a fool. She wanted to make sure David knew she was unaware of those men of his that had come and asked for food. She didn't know about it. And then she drew attention to the gifts of food that she brought with her. And of course, no man can resist a crock pot full of food and that softens most emotions right there. But lastly, she affirmed David's purpose in life. I want you to start on verse 30. She says, when the Lord has done to my Lord, according to all the good that he has spoken concerning you and has appointed you Prince over Israel, my Lord shall have no cause for grief or pangs of conscience for having shed blood without cause or for my Lord working salvation for himself. And when the Lord has dealt well with my Lord, then remember your servant. I think this is the biggest part. It's just like how Jonathan reminded David what God's purpose for him and Abigail use that same magic, those magic words. You are going to be King. You don't want this hanging over your head. So I want to, we're going to finish with purpose, but right now I want to bring us some lessons from this chapter and I'll put them on the screen. Lessons from Abigail. Number one, words matter. Proverbs 15, one, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. If you don't have that in your head, if you haven't memorized that short phrase, do it this week because it is totally worth not only knowing, but acting upon a soft answer. And then we also learned from Abigail that words have power. Proverbs 18, 21, death and life are in the power of the tongue. That's intense right there. From David, we learn a few things. The first thing that we learn is that anger or the seeds of anger are always seeking an opportunity to grow and to sprout and to grow in our lives. And they want to ride on the tails of other emotions. Like frustration is a seedbed for anger. A seedbed is a place of growth and development. Grief can be a seedbed for anger because it's so intense. Despair can be a seedbed for anger because it's so hopeless. And depression and melancholy can be seedbeds for anger. And so we learn that we must guard our emotions because so many of them want to sprout into anger. So we remember something we said at the beginning. We can't always control what happens to us in life, but we can control how we respond to it. And self-control is composure in responding to life's problems. The other thing we learned from David is that a teachable spirit can prevent one problem from turning into many problems in life. Our goal is to eliminate as many problems as we can and not make more, right? And David in this moment showed that he had a teachable spirit. So I want to show you a couple of Proverbs that speak to that Proverbs 12, 15, the way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 15, 31, the ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. Okay, verse 32, David said to Abigail, blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel who sent you this day to me. Blessed be your discretion. Blessed be you who have kept me this day from blood guilt and from working salvation with my own hand. Verse 34, for surely as the Lord, the God of Israel lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me truly by morning, there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male. And then David received from her hand what she had brought, and he said to her, go up in peace to your house. See I've obeyed your voice and I've granted your petition. And Abigail came to Nabal and behold, he was holding a feast in the house like the feast of a king and Nabal's heart was merry within him for he was. very drunk, so she told him nothing at all until the morning light, which shows Abigail's self-control, composure in responding to life's situations. How frustrating that you just saved him and everybody, and you come home and he's drunk. That would make me mad, like you have no idea what I just did, but we see her composure in responding to this situation that she had no control over. Verse 37, in the morning when the wine had gone out of Nabal, his wife told him these things and his heart died within him and he became as a stone. So he had a stroke and we don't know why, what brought on this stroke. It may have been that once she told him that she had taken all this food when he said no and she went ahead and did it anyway, he could have gotten so angry that he, you know, developed a heart attack or whatever. It could have been that he heard David was coming to kill them all and out of fright, we don't know, but he had a lot of reasons to have a stroke, that's what we do know. Verse 38, about 10 days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died. And David saw this as the Lord's vengeance. When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, blessed be the Lord who has avenged the insult I received at the hand of Nabal and has kept back his servant from wrongdoing. The Lord has returned the evil of Nabal on his own head. And then David sent and spoke to Abigail to take her as his wife. When the servants of David came to Abigail at Carmel, they said to her, David has sent us to you to take you to him as his wife. And she rose and bowed with her face to the ground and she said, behold, your handmaid is a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my Lord. And Abigail hurried and rose and mounted a donkey and her five young women to attend her. She followed the messengers of David and became his wife, which I think is a terribly romantic passage. I, you know, when Abigail first came and especially when she spoke of God's purpose for him, it reminded me of Jonathan. And so I say, David and Abigail, your kindred spirits, like, and then we see that her husband dies. Now she's relieved of this, having to live with this surly old guy and David wants her and he's handsome and he's the prince. And we're like, yes, we wanted it to end this way. We love it. And then it all dies away in verse 43. David also took a Hinnom of Jezreel and we put our hand on her hip. Now, who is she? We don't know a thing about her. What are you doing? Like you, it makes us mad. And both of them became his wives. And Saul had given McCall, his daughter, David's wife, to Palty, the son of Laish, who is in Gallim. So we're going to save the complexity of those relationships for a future lesson. But I just want to end with one of my favorite passages. I think I sew it into every one of our Bible studies, talking about God fulfilling his purpose for David. The King making aspect were these difficulties, these problems. So I'll put Psalm 138, seven up on the screen for you.

David was the coming king. That was what God's purpose was for him. And the problems that he encountered were developing his character, teaching him how to rely on God, training him to have composure in his responses. And we, all of us, are still being sanctified. This is God's purpose for us. And the problems that we encounter are developing our character. And God is teaching us to rely on him. And God is training us to have composure in responding to life's problems. As I mentioned earlier, I really do believe that we develop an emotional muscle memory. And so we can train ourselves in some of the simplest ways to act, to respond to a problem that we encounter with composure, or we can overreact. Those are the two contrasts that we see, overreacting to a problem or responding with composure. And so either one that we do, we will naturally be drawn toward that. It doesn't make it impossible to choose the other one, but it does help us. I guess we call these habits, right? This is simply developing a habit. And I think that's a big takeaway from what we see here as we watch David respond both ways. Lord, I pray that you would help us to be women who do respond to life's problems with composure, with relying on you, with seeking your wisdom, asking for your direction, Lord, and seeing what you would have us to do. Lord, that is our goal. That is how we are being sanctified. Thank you for these lessons, Lord. I thank you that you have chosen, by your Holy Spirit, to make them so vivid for us, so interesting as we watch these dramas play out, that we really can understand that it's just the same as our lives. All the same, just different. So Lord, would you be with us as we discuss, as we process, but mostly, Lord, help us to apply these lessons to our life. I pray in Jesus' name, amen. ---